Thoughts on a Glittering Age
by Onkoona
Summary: Sai ponders in the early morning...  Rating:G


**Thoughts on a Glittering Age**

_Hikaru no Go and its characters belong to their makers, I'm just borrowing them for a while._

The fact that ghosts need no sleep was one that Sai had learned to 'live' with for a very long time. It was not so much the longer dark part of the night that bothered him; that time he would sit still next to his benefactor's bed and think about the moon and stars, and about Go, of course.

No, it was the time between the first rays of the sun touching the sky and the waking of his mortal friend that made the ghost so restless. Dawn in his own time had meant time to get up and start the day. Even in Torajiro's time it had meant that. But not in this time; the time of young Hikaru. Sai privately called it the 'glittering age'; partly because that was the meaning of the boy's name but also partly because the world he lived in was so full of lights and sparkles. It reminded the Heian spirit of a never-ending festival with constant fireworks. Where in earlier times the quiet moments had been an everyday occurrence, here the quiet contemplation of a Sakura tree blooming in spring or a merrily buzzing dragon fly in summer or the patterns that falling maple leaves make on the ground were utterly absent, their places usurped by blinking signs and boxes with small people trapped inside that did nothing but talk and talk and talk.

The only points of rest were Go and nighttime. But even if the friendly ghost was confused by this strange world and really needed the night time to regain his calm, once the sun was up he wanted to go out and see what more scintillating grandeur this world would show him.

So, while young Hikaru slumbered well past sunrise, Sai would explore on his own. Not that he could go far - his attachment to the boy didn't allow him to leave his proximity. But it was enough to give the boy privacy when needed and it was also enough for Sai to look into the Shindou family kitchen situated directly beneath Hikaru's bedroom. And that was, incidentally, the only place in the house where there was any action going on at 6:30 am on a weekday.

Sai sat on top of a kitchen cupboard and watched Mrs. Shindou cook. This day she had laid out 25 boxes, to be filled with rice, deep fried meat pieces, seasoned vegetables, and pickled fruits. As Mrs. Shindou battered the chicken fillets, readying them for frying, Sai contemplated the change in the weekday morning routine since he started visiting the kitchen. Only a few days after the ghost had come into this new and hectic world, he had started spending his early mornings here. Mrs. Shindou would not have been down until 7:30, then, and would have made breakfast for the family. Sai had been fascinated with the utensils and utilities the modern woman used.

Especially the box with the glass door that would go PING just before Hikaru's mother opened it. Sai still hadn't figured out how the box knew Mrs. Shindou would open it a moment later. It was a very smart box as it also rotated the dish that was put inside, making the thing a source of endless curiosity for the former Heian noble.

However the wonders of that box and some of the other things in the kitchen could not distract the ghost from noticing that where the lady first made only two boxes of food, she now made more then 20. These extra boxes, when filled, were then picked up by a young man on a two wheeled noise maker and Mrs. Shindou received a wad of paper for them in return.

Now, Sai knew he didn't know much about this shiny new world, but with Torajiro having been a merchant's son, he did know that that paper was money. So, Hikaru's mother was selling bento boxes and had been doing so since Hikaru had passed the _insei_ exam last December, ever since Hikaru had started attending his _insei_ classes, in fact. And she hadn't told the boy that his lessons were that expensive either; Sai would have known if she had.

The ancient ghost felt a jealousy towards his benefactor; to have a mother, any family member really, care that much about you that they wouldn't hold the cost of your keep against you... Sai had not been so lucky in his first life.

Fujiwara no Sai could not remember the faces of his parents. Not surprising really as, soon after his birth, baby Sai was sent to live with an aunt and uncle in the outskirts of Heian-Kyo.

The reason for the relocation being that a crying baby would disturb the tranquility of the inner court life. Not much later, when the boy was six, a sickness struck the city and carried off many nobles, including the old Emperor and little Sai's parents. Because of the sickness and any devils that might be accompanying it, all cremations were executed swiftly and travel into the inner court was discouraged, all funeral rights to be administered by a few priests only, no family. And so Sai was destined never to be able to remember his parents, neither in life nor in death.

This unfortunate circumstance left the young noble permanently in the hands of his aunt and uncle. Here he continued to live in the children's room with the other 4 children, all boys. And apart from the way his aunt treated him, all the other family members saw him as the youngest brother, always good for a game of kick-the-ball and, to the surprise of the grown-ups, actually great for a game of Go. People were very surprised about young Sai's ability in Go, since his academic accomplishments were considered to be quite low.

That his writing skills were lacking would not have come as any surprise had they known that Sai's aunt had left standing instructions with the children's tutor to help her nephew last of all, so as to not take any valuable teaching time away from her own kids. The tutor, who was rather fond of money, complied with the lady's wishes. Also those wishes that his smart mind detected in her, but that she had not expressed; a desire not to let the nephew outdo the sons' prowess. And so Sai got no instruction at all, and was left to muddle through learning the complicated Chinese kanji characters on his own, with less than stellar results.

Sai had been somewhat aware of his aunt's feelings towards himself at the time, and he tried to please her as much as he was able, hoping, with a child's hope even in the face of reality, that it would make a difference, but it never did.

As each of the children came into their 12th summer, they had to leave the children's compound and live in the main house as grown-up men. And while they were allowed to come over to play kick-the-ball once in a while, over time, the youngest of them lost all his companions (each having moved away from home to take up minor jobs at court). So he spent the last two years of his childhood playing Go with the men of the house (the tutor having been dismissed when the last of the real sons had left the compound), much to the disgust of his aunt, for she despised Go.

Oddly enough it was the young noble's skill at the game that made him less disagreeable to his aunt in the end, for word had gotten around that Sai could play a really strong game of Go, bringing an influx of male guests (most of them bringing their wives) to the family's house.

The Fujiwara house was ordinarily considered situated too far from the inner court to be worth visiting by anybody important. A fact that had irked Sai's aunt no end, and that Sai suspected was one of the reason the lady was permanently cross. But now people came to play the boy wonder, and said boy was surprised - afraid, almost - at the way his aunt started fawning over him.

When Sai reached the end of his childhood, at his 12th summer, he was called in to see his aunt and uncle for the first time as an adult. He had been presented with a new set of clothes to wear to the occasion (a novel experience in itself, for he had only worn hand-me-downs before). He was given hasty instructions on what to do and what **not** to do, instruction that should have been provided by his tutor, had he had one.

He was shown into the official reception room of the house, via the front sliding doors, neither place he had ever been before in all the time he had lived in the house. He counted his steps, seven, going in and then dropped to his knees. Sitting back in seiza he bent forward, desperately trying not to lose his new hat, placing both hands flat in front of him on the tatami mat, his nose nearly touching the straw matting. He had been instructed to keep the pose until dismissed and he was to remain silent throughout the meeting.

His aunt and uncle discussed his life as an adult over his head and he was not allowed to add his opinion or even show any of his feelings on the matters discussed.

His uncle opened the 'discussion' with the announcement that there was to be a move of residence to a better neighborhood, to make it possible for the young man to become apprenticed to a Go tutor. Sai nearly lost his pose with shock; he was to play Go for a living? Well, it was clear even to him that his aunt just would love to move to a better neighborhood, so hopefully he would not get blamed for once, even if Go was the cause of the move.

Sai was still shaken when the second bombshell hit; his aunt announced she was looking for a bride for him. A bride? As in a _girl_ he was to marry? The thought sent ice through his veins; he never had been around girls before and the only woman he knew was his aunt and he could not imagine living with such a person for the rest of his life, he really couldn't!

However as his aunt continued to pontificate it became clear that finding a suitable bride for someone of such station as Sai's was very difficult indeed, and Sai was very relieved to find no one seemed to be available anytime soon.

The rest of the 'discussion' was about the practical particulars of the impending move and of no interest whatsoever to the young noble. Throughout he kept his pose and his own council until, after two long hours, he was finally dismissed.

On his way back to his brand new room (soon to be ex-room) he couldn't help but wonder who his new tutor would be. No, that wasn't right, uncle had said he was to be an apprentice to a Go tutor, Sai wondered how that was different from having a tutor? Well, he was likely to find that out wasn't he? And soon too; aunt had said they'd move in two weeks!

As it turned out Sai never got to find out what the difference was between having a tutor and being apprenticed to one; because Master Fujiwara no Fuhito turned out to have practically no ability at Go at all. The man had offered Sai's aunt and uncle to take Sai on, and they had misunderstood the reasoning behind the offer. Fuhito meant to sponsor the young man and that was indeed what he did. And between them they decided not to enlighten Sai's relatives too much.

The next four years were more fun than Sai's entire childhood had been. Fuhito, while a nobody at Go, was an enthusiast at watching great games and he had a never-ending string of Go playing friends, some of which were really good. And Sai had a ball beating them all, repeatedly and with relish. Fuhito also got him records of the great games that were played in the inner court, which Sai used to enhance his own Go and to lave his new dreams of one day playing Go before the emperor.

The thoughts of what came after brought the former Heian noble back to the scene before him; that of a loving mother working hard to give her child his dream without destroying his childhood. As she finished, Mrs. Shindou closed each bento box and piled them up, ready for collection. It was nearly 8 am now and the boy would be knocking soon. And after that there would be breakfast for the Shindou men, as father and son would sit across from each other in dead silence as they had done every weekday morning since Sai had been there.

Sai waited till 15 minutes after Hikaru's mother's eight o'clock wake-up call to show his face in Hikaru's bedroom. He knew the boy would be in the shower still and would come out a few minutes later, mostly dressed. It was the routine they had built up over the past year, and it seemed to work very well. Also Sai had learned to 'keep it down' in the mornings as Hikaru (and his father too) seemed to be allergic to noise in the morning. Sometimes Sai would spend breakfast time in the living room, alone, for fear of ticking Hikaru off in the morning, which in turn might tick off his father, and that you did not want!

Yes, all that was complicated, but weren't family dynamics always complicated? And as odd as it seemed Sai, the ghost, was part of that dynamic now. And also oddly enough, Sai was jealous of their morning silences and of Hikaru's bento making mother and the father who let his son chase his dreams without snide comments.

Sai had managed to have a good childhood despite his parents, but Hikaru was having one because of his parents. Yes, that was something to envy. But, Sai realized with a start, Hikaru now shared his good fortune with the ghost; even if it was unwillingly at first.

Today was a Wednesday, and that meant an early release from school for Hikaru, and then, after homework, they could play Go the rest of the day. Now that the modern boy was interested in the game, even becoming an _insei_, he wanted to play as much as Sai did, or nearly anyway. And wasn't that worth all the trouble?

~the end~

_This was written for the 11th BlingGo challenge. The theme was 'childhood'._

__**Please review!**__


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